San Francisco | Pancakes and Postcards

Because I’m Awesome.

January 16, 2012 by Courtney 29 Comments

It’s amazing how easy it is to go through life without having enough FUN.

I have a lot of fun, usually, but also find myself occasionally wondering what happened to the carefree nature of life. Days when I’m tired, stressed, and “fun” activities become obligation.

Tonight was one of those nights. I’d paid to go to a GrubWithUs—hadn’t been to one in a long time and I love them—but it ended up being a little stressful. Work is crazy, I’m flying to San Diego tomorrow night, and I had to get to Pac Heights at a decent time. Once I found myself in Chinatown waiting for the 1 California bus, two passed me and didn’t stop because they were full. I was stressed, miserably cold, freaking out about being late, wondering how I’d get to the restaurant and then…

I realized that NO ONE WAS MAKING ME DO THIS.

Instead I walked up to Powell Street and hopped on the cable car back down to Market, enjoying the wind in my hair and one of my favorite SF traditions on a peaceful night. I walked into Forever 21 and bought a super cheap, sexy dress and $3 turquoise feather earrings because I could. I finally bought the Street Smart newspaper from a homeless person, hopped on the bus, bought a 7-pound bag of ice for $2.75 just so I could have one icy cocktail, mixed it up when I got home along with a bowl of pasta. For dessert, I ate an entire king-size chocolate bar without caring about how many miles I should run tomorrow morning to burn it off.

And I realized: I can do this. Whenever I want.

Not saying that eating a whole chocolate bar or being buzzed off of a gin and tonic on a Monday night is the key to life, but I realized that I’m constantly obeying rules for myself without even realizing it.

I have to be working all the time.
I always have to be checking my email.
I have to run all the time or be feeling guilty about not running.
I need to eat healthy and punish myself when I don’t.
I shouldn’t eat the chocolate. I shouldn’t have the cocktail.
I have to follow through on every. single. obligation. regardless of how important it actually is or how I am feeling in my mind, body, and spirit.
I should be doing something more productive right now.
I should lose 5 pounds to be sexier and skinnier. I should feel bad about my body until I do so.
I need to constantly project a certain image.
I have to obey one million ideas that no one’s forcing me to do.

Well I’m done with this. I’m ready to spend more time being selfish. I’m ready to spend more time doing things that make me feel good. Because I’m awesome. I’m done doing everything for everyone else and I’m going to focus on me and what makes me happy, whether that’s running 7 miles before 7 or not waking up til 11 or eating a fresh salad or the entire chocolate bar or going to bed at 9PM or 3AM or going out and not having a drink or going out and having several or taking an extended lunch break because we all know I get my work done or working through the whole day so I can turn my computer off at 5PM and not touch it til the next morning. I’m going to spend my time how I WANT to spend my time, whether that’s out with a bunch of friends or home drinking cocoa in my jammies or waking up early to exercise or deciding that in no way I’m going to exercise today or prioritizing happiness and pleasure. Because I’m awesome.

I’m done hanging out with friends when it feels like a chore.

I’m done sitting home alone when it feels like a prison.

I’m done thinking of what others expect before I think about what truly makes me happy.

Lord knows I keep healthy. Lord knows I’m good at my job. Lord knows I’m dedicated. That’s not the question. The question is how much joy I take out of the small moments.

I’m resolving to be more hedonistic in the small moments.

I’ll get off the bus a stop early to get hot chocolate for less than $2.
I’ll walk the long way back to the bus after work to think.
I’ll eat the chocolate or the ice cream or the fried chicken.
I’ll waste time doing something that feels like anything but a waste.
I’ll look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I’m gorgeous. I’ll have a dance party with myself and not care who is watching.
I’ll flirt with whoever I want, be it the guy on the bus or at the store or anywhere else, just because it’s fun.
I’ll stop trying to apologize for the fact that I am sexy yet strong, smart and sweet and a whole ball of sass rolled into one.
I’ll stop trying to live up to other’s expectations and set my own.

Because I’m awesome. And I deserve it. And so do you.

Why do we as women put so much pressure on ourselves, in work, in relationships, at home, in life? Why do we feel like taking time for ourselves is selfish or lazy or unproductive? It’s not. If we all were a little more selfish with our time, if we were all a bit better at saying NO, at expressing how we ACTUALLY feel instead of convincing ourselves that we’re overreacting, at eating the chocolate, at dumping the dude who makes you feel bad about yourself, at hiring that babysitter or house cleaner or pickup/delivery laundry service or whatever small thing to make our life easier, the entire world would be a better place.

There’s a place for selfless sacrifice in every day. But there’s also a time to stop caring about who thinks what and what you should be doing and concentrate on what you want to be doing so that YOU feel fulfilled, refreshed and more energetic and happy than ever and can apply that to every area of your life. I’m doing that… because I can.

Join me.

(PS, if you’re ever in need of a pick me up, listen to the Dollyrots’ song Because I’m Awesome while singing along in your jammies. It’s a guaranteed mood booster. It might even prompt an inane blog post about your self-appointed awesomeness.)

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Filed Under: Musings Tagged With: awesome, cable car, chocolate, drinking, girl power, life, pressure, San Francisco, self love, selfishness, unhealthy goodness, work

Race Recap: The New Years Dash 5k/2.87-miler

January 8, 2012 by Courtney 5 Comments

Okay, so the blog took a little tiny bit of a backseat this week while I was busy at work and lost sleep over the fire trauma, but I’m back in action.

First up: a New Years’ Eve Recap, or, more specifically, the New Years Dash 5K recap.

Backstory: this was going to be my first 5K as a runner. Besides one I ran in 2005 that took me 35 minutes. This year, I ran three marathons and zero 5Ks. Basically, I hate running fast and don’t know how to. So I decided I was going to run this 5K to give me a “base” 5K time to work on. My goal was to beat 25 minutes, which would mean running 8 minute miles for 3.1 miles. This would be EXTREMELY hard for me, but I was committed to redlining it and holding on as long as humanly possible. The course scared me, though—it was a mile downhill on JFK and then mile two was straight back uphill. Barf! I decided to try to do a 7:50 first mile so I could do an 8:10 second mile back up the hill. I picked #24 because I wanted a 24 in front of my time.

The race was very casual and even had me laughing at times, super informal but it was no big deal—I was just counting on my Garmin for time. At 9:45AM we were off and started screaming down JFK. I wanted to keep Alyssa in my sight for as long as possible (i.e. not long) and tore through the first mile in 7:22. This is the fastest mile I have run this year without stopping. But then we turned around and plowed right through a wet field. Yes, you read that right. I was slipping all over the place on the wet grass, plus it was uphill—I think I saw a 9:15 pace on my Garmin! Then it was back out to the steep uphill part of the road. I felt like I was dying and mile two beeped 8:41. I had to laugh at that point (even though I didn’t really have any energy to do so). 8:41?!?! In a 5K? Oh well—I figured I could scream around Stow Lake, clock a 7:45 and still go sub-25.

I did pick manage to hold my “I feel like death” pace around Stow Lake and when I was careening down the hill out of Stow Lake I was at 7:45 pace. I had 2.75 miles on the Garmin in just over 22 minutes and I knew I was made. But then the finish line happened! After 2.87 miles! I was so confused—part of me wanted to knock out the final .23 miles but there were people standing around in my way so I just stopped.

Turned out we weren’t supposed to go through that slip n’ slide of a meadow! The course wasn’t clearly marked and someone tore across it so everyone followed suit. So I still have no 5K time but a new 2.87 mile PR of 22:44. The great thing is that even if I had slowed a bit from the speed I had down the finish I would have finished in 24:30, thirty seconds faster than planned. So I plan to enter a new *flat* 5K and push for a sub-24. I think I can do it.

I enjoyed the time after the run with the amazing Katie (2place), Alyssa, Cate, Alisyn, Kabri, and Renee, and got to see Jojo and Erin from SFM as well! Katie poured my mimosa. It was a GENEROUS pour aka a red cup full of champagne with a tiny bit of OJ on top. Then my friend called and said she was already on the bay bridge (she was staying with me for New Years) so I chugged it down and decided to run the two miles home. Note: running 7 miles, including 3 at 5K pace, then chugging a mimosa and running through the Haight with new years beads on and holding a party horn is a really great way to start the NYE festivities.

I am bummed I didn’t get a 5K time but am excited for the next one I do with no huge uphill and no wet meadow. : )

Other New Years festivities included watching my beloved UCLA Bruins play an absolutely atrocious football game, finally meeting the Oscar Meijer Weinermobile, and wearing a very sparkly and very short gold dress.

A week-belated HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody! This week I’ll finally post about some awesome new desserts I’ve created (very important…), my 2012 resolutions and my race recap from my first race of the year (spoiler alert: 13+ minute average pace. Watch out world.)

Courtney

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Filed Under: fitness Tagged With: 5K, friends, goals, Golden Gate Park, holidays, race recap, races, San Francisco, speedwork, stow lake

Too Close to Home: The Masonic Ave Fire

January 2, 2012 by Courtney 27 Comments

Last night, nothing happened and everything did.

I had just sat down with my laptop around 8PM to do a little productive work on the 1stof the year to get it started off right, after quite the lazy day. Only minutes afterward I heard a woman screaming outside, in a bone-chilling way, and the sirens of police cars. Mind you, I live in a cute house on a hill in San Francisco, this doesn’t usually happen right here. I called my neighbor to see what was going on and that’s when the fire trucks came. Several. The street was rapidly filling with red and white lights and that’s when I went outside and saw the smoke billowing from the house three doors down.

Initial reaction was slight panic. It’d be fine, right? Firefighters do this stuff every day. I was outside and then I went back into my apartment with the door still open. Then the commotion around grew louder and people start streaming out of their houses. A policewoman banged on the door and said words I’d never heard in this context – “we need you to get out.”

I grabbed the duffel bag in front of me and it was like the world stopped. There I was standing in the middle of my apartment as chaos was erupting in the streets and I was focused, in that millisecond, on the age-old question: what do I take with me?

I threw in my computers, phone charger, purse, passport, and camera. Luckily I keep all those things together, but more intentionally for an earthquake—not this. Then I grabbed a pair of jeans and my makeup “for work tomorrow.” Irrational, but in that millisecond, it was what I thought about. At this point, 15 seconds have passed at most and I found myself in the middle of the room heading out. What do I take? I grabbed my three full marathon medals off the wall, my journal, and a framed photo of me with great friends that was in arms reach. I took one glance around and had only one coherent thought: I would be okay without these things. Then I closed my door and walked out. (Don’t worry—I took these below pictures well after the fact. No photos happened until after I realized things would be okay)

When we were told to evacuate, I was not in imminent physical danger. The fire had not spread to my house. But fires have been running rampant over The City, and when I closed my door, I didn’t know if I’d see my belongings again. Two doors down isn’t much when you’re in old Edwardians. (Below stunning photo by Pete Briones who got some shocking shots of the fire)

When I was out, the flames were licking the sky, two structures fully ablaze. We were pushed all the way up to the street corner as more and more fire trucks and emergency personnel arrived. At one point, the wind picked up slightly and the embers from the flames were falling on the roof of my building. In that moment, I was waiting for what seemed to be inevitable. In that moment I was feeling three somewhat discordant things simultaneously:

Wow, I’m an idiot for not getting renter’s insurance, and that tab has been open on my laptop for a full week. Guess I’ll be the poster child for all my friends to get it.
Man, it would really suck to lose everything.
If this happens, everything is going to be okay.

The last one was a bit weird but sitting out there, with neighbors wondering if our house would go up in flames, I lost the utter anxiety that had overwhelmed me and realized that I might lose everything but I would bounce right back. I was tweeting during the fire and the outpouring of love and support I received was amazing and left me at peace—realizing that even if I lost everything I owned, and it was my fault because I live in an old house with no insurance, I had people that loved me and that’s what mattered.

And then all of a sudden the fire was contained.

Three buildings are heavily damaged. I don’t know the residents of those units personally, but my heart goes out to them. I can’t imagine what they’re going through right now and I wish them peace and an outpouring of love. In the end, everyone was okay. Praise the Lord.

Once I realized the place I lived wasn’t going to go up in flames the adrenaline crash left me queasy and feeling like I was watching a movie instead of living it. After what seemed like hours of sitting outside watching the madness unfold, we were led back to our unit by a cop under “shelter in place” conditions (aka stay inside or talk to the firefighters outside if anything is wrong). The fire ladder was still on the roof, but somehow we were okay. When I walked into my apartment and things were as they’d been, I was shocked. In that time, I had gone through shock and anger and then acceptance that I might be homeless. To walk in hours later and for the place to look untouched—it was insane.

I feel so incredibly blessed today. If there had just be a little more wind, or had the SFFD been just slightly slower, I could be writing a very, very different blog post today. My thoughts are with my neighbors who suffered losses last night. I truly feel an outpouring of gratefulness for so many things—the San Francisco Fire Department, the rare still night, friends who offered support if things had gone otherwise, for this building that I adore so much to still be standing. Grateful for the moments that take you out of your trivial problems and make you realize what really does matter. People, not things.

Here I am, writing this blog post, in my intact apartment, just one day later. Nothing happened—but yet everything did.

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Filed Under: Musings Tagged With: fire, frederick, masonic avenue, San Francisco, waller

A Different Perspective.

December 11, 2011 by Courtney 11 Comments

This weekend was all about perspective—in a variety of ways. On Saturday, I went to a race just to watch and support. I kind of did this at Half Moon Bay, but also ran 15 miles that day, so it wasn’t truly spectating. This was. I woke up at 5:45AM, drove my tired and reluctant butt over to Walnut Creek, and camped out with the Lululemon cheer station to support the runners of the inaugural Walnut Creek Half Marathon.

(Photo above and two below courtesy of Aron—check out her recap!)

I got to high-five Pavement Runner, cheer wildly for Layla making her pacing debut, and celebrate post-race with Beth who hit her goal of a sub-25 5K!

Spectating alongside me were Katie, Aron, Kristin, and Kerry. Probably the #1 reason that got me out there was to see those girls. They are wonderful people but I rarely get to actually spend time with them—so that was rad.

Being on the sidelines put things in an entirely different perspective. The lulu group was awesome—hilarious signs, lemon costumes, overly energetic women and (perhaps most importantly) a DJ pumping rap music at 7AM that transformed our section of street into a little dance party.

We definitely cheered up a lot of people, or at least distracted them when they read our signs and laughed at our dance moves! It was fun to watch a race from the sidelines, to think about what goes into it, to try to be what people need at mile 10 of a half marathon when they’re giving it their all. I really should spectate or volunteer at races more often, because it puts all the work that people do in perspective—that races are made up of far more than just the people who run them.

Plus, it was great fun—and I didn’t even have to run one mile!

Today, my lesson was different, more personal. Last night, I went to bed upset. I hate going to bed with bad feelings. It pretty much guarantees a rough night of sleep, bad dreams, and an unpleasant morning. All three of those were confirmed, and when I woke up I needed to get out of my rut. Some relational things had been bothering me yesterday, and I was feeling a bit weighed down. I kind of wanted to get out of the city, but I knew it wouldn’t work. So instead, I did what I often do when I need to think—I walked to a beautiful place.

I chose Twin Peaks, as I’ve been wanting to go up there for a long time but never could get anyone to go with me. So I went alone.

This wasn’t so much a hike as it was a walk up steep hills, and I stopped at Tank Hill Park first per a friend’s recommendation. There, less than one mile from my house, I saw this.

Less than half a mile more, and I was at the top of Twin Peaks. I could see the entire city stretching out in all three directions. I was amazed, stunned by the beauty around me. Overwhelmed.

I could see my block from up there. Back down, in my house, little things were weighing me down. Friends were hurting me. Life was confusing me. I felt powerless.

Up there, it made me realize that my problems are miniscule and more importantly, they are fleeting. Everything works out. In the grand scheme of life, what was bothering me that day would pass.

So I let go.

And the thing that got me was that this place is in my backyard. It’s a 20-minute walk. And in nine months of living in the city, I hadn’t gone up there. I hadn’t stopped to make time, even a couple of hours, for something important. How often do I do that in other areas of my life? With friends, with family, with work? With what makes me happy?

Sometimes the answers are there all along if you just take the time to step aside and look at things differently.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I’m ready for it.

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Filed Under: Musings Tagged With: hiking, photography, San Francisco, SF, tank hill park, twin peaks

A Permanent State of Food Coma: Foodbuzz Festival Part One

November 6, 2011 by Courtney 17 Comments

I seriously feel like I never need to eat again.

Okay, that’s a lie. I’m pretty sure my stomach expanded from doing nothing but eat for three days and now I’m scrounging for food at 10PM… but that’s a whole different story.

This weekend was the Foodbuzz Blogger Festival, which I’d been looking forward to for months! I was so excited to get accepted as a Featured Publisher, and much of my excitement was related to being able to spend three days in my own city surrounded by bloggers and food.

Friday came around and involved me running to Union Square from work to pick up Cate’s and my swag bag… which I then toted (all twenty pounds, it seemed) back to work to hang out and get some more stuff done before the reception and welcome dinner in SOMA that night.

Our swag bag contained goodies from Godiva, Sabra, Duncan Hines, OXO, California Walnuts, and a few others. Pretty awesome. I am now swimming in pounds of coffee that I don’t drink. I smell a giveaway!

I got to kick the evening off right with Cate and Courtney Granola (unofficial name for the weekend, as we had Courtney Granola and Courtney Pancakes – it happens).

Sabra sponsored the appetizer hour which means we had a bajillion types of hummus pastries (above) to choose from, as well as a variety of vegetables with hummus to dip them in, roasted chickpeas, and more. I like hummus, but I am not always in the mood for it. I have tried a dozen times to bring baby carrots and hummus for a snack to work but I NEVER end up eating it… I need to work on this. We munched on a few while enjoying more than one glass of wine before the gala dinner.

Got to spend some time with the lovely Annelies which is always a treat!

Then it was time for the welcome dinner! There were two buffets, one of appetizers and another of comfort food created by actual bloggers at the event. It was a bit overwhelming – so many people to meet, so much food to eat, so many glasses of wine and cocktails at the free open bar…

The beet ravioli was a highlight of the night… for everyone else but me. I appreciated that it was quite good, but I’ll be honest. I HATE beets. I know that 1) every food blogger loooooves beets and 2) I eat almost everything but something about beets makes me want to gag a little bit. But the fact that I liked the ravioli is saying something about how good it must have been.

Chefs were preparing some small plates that I was way too impatient to get in on…

I took a bite of Jessica’s brown sugar butter chicken (!). As I approach my one year mark of being a vegetarian I am experimenting with adding a little meat back into my diet to see how I feel… but that’s another post for another time.

I felt a little unsatisfied after the first course so as we listened to the blog awards, I was kind of, maybe, okay REALLY looking forward to the dessert buffet…

(Joy the Baker, an award winner herself, announcing Ashley from the Edible Perspective as a winner—both amazing bloggers! And Courtney Granola was super psyched to meet Joy!)

Then the awards were given and it was time for the dessert, thank you.

Pumpkin tarts…

chocolate ganache bites with almond…

Mini cheesecakes, coffee cream with flowerless chocolate cake, gingersnap macaroon.,..

Sabra also passed around some sort of chocolate caramel coconut dessert hummus pastry thing, but in a room full of food bloggers, if you’re going to pass around something unconventional you’ve gotta make it look just a BIT more appealing to eat.

I’ll leave you with that. Hope you all had a great weekend!

courtney

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Filed Under: Pancakes (Food) Tagged With: bloggers, dessert, food, foodbuzz, foodbuzz festival, hummus, sabra, San Francisco, unhealthy goodness

Nike Women’s (Half) Marathon Eve

October 15, 2011 by Courtney 10 Comments

It’s Nike Women’s Marathon time!

When I entered the lottery for NWM11 MONTHS ago, I didn’t know a single runner in the area. Now, I’m running it with a dozen or two of my new friends, which I am incredibly excited about!

I met up with Alyssa and Erica on Friday to pick up our bibs. We wandered into the madness that was (is!) the Niketown store and while it was a little too crowded and club-like with the shrieking women fawning over overpriced merch and a DJ bumping hot club hits at 3PM, it was still fun to feel that race weekend energy.

The wall outside had everyone’s names on it which was awesome! Mine was twelve feet in the air so impossible to capture a picture, but luckily there was a slightly smaller version inside that I could photograph. There I am!

I may or may not have bought a drifit running jacket. But I NEEDED it!(Okay, I did. But still. RETAIL GUILT!)

After escaping Niketown with our sanities, Alyssa and Erica and I headed over to Yoppi inside the mall for froyo. This was NOT spontaneous. Rather, we had talked about froyo five days ago or something, and the time was finally here to indulge in a heaping bowl of red velvet and irish mint froyo covered with calorie-free toppings like brownie bites and cookie dough. (Surprised that I wasn’t hungry for dinner?)

Then we wandered back to the absolute madness that was (still is!) Union Square, where the Expotique was set up. Okay, so normally when you think of a race expo you think of a hotel ballroom or convention center filled with vendors selling lots of running gear, speakers, etc. etc. This was nothing like that. It’s basically a big tent and there were some vendors in there like Neutrogena and Pom Wonderful. Oh, and Gatorade. I was in the mood for a big race expo but that’s not the case here. And again, the pumping nightclub music. It was different, that’s for sure!

Alyssa and Erica picked up their half bibs and I picked up my full bib. So, when I registered for this lottery in the Spring, I intended to run the full marathon. Then I ended up switching to the full marathon for SFM, and had the momentarily crazy idea that in my first year as a runner I was going to run 3 full marathons in 5.5 months. Um, NO. After SFM, I was petty sure that I wouldn’t have the motivation to run the Nike full and I was right. Good thing I can just run the half with my friends and still get the necklace!

Fun times were captured in the photo booth as well.

I am really looking forward to this race for a few reasons:

1) FUN AND FRIENDS. Okay, running often involves these two things, but I am running alongside these two lovely ladies in Audrey Hepburn outfits (woohoo!), carrying a camera, and generally not getting stressed out about anything during the race. Secondly, I’m pretty sure 20+ people that I know are going to be running tomorrow so it’s a guarantee that I’ll get to see people that I love! What’s better than that?!

2) This race is close to my heart as my mom had leukemia twice. She ran this marathon with Team in Training right around the 5th year anniversary of her bone marrow transplant, which (correct me if I’m wrong, mom) was the first year of the Nike Women’s Marathon. Now it’s been what, 8 years and millions of dollars have been raised for this very important cause. I’m excited to participate but wish she was running with me too Smile This picture below is when she ran Nike and dedicated each mile to someone different who was also fighting.

I’m off to get everything ready to go. Have a great Saturday night and good luck to everyone racing tomorrow!

Courtney

What are your weekend plans?

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Filed Under: fitness Tagged With: expo, frozen yogurt, half marathon, marathon, nike, NWM, race precap, races, running, San Francisco, union square

Because I’m Awesome.

Race Recap: The New Years Dash 5k/2.87-miler

Too Close to Home: The Masonic Ave Fire

A Different Perspective.

A Permanent State of Food Coma: Foodbuzz Festival Part One

Nike Women’s (Half) Marathon Eve

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