Posing

I’ve never been very good at posing.

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Like many others, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Even people with the emotional radar of a doormat pick up on when I say I’m fine but am lying through my teeth, or when the smile and usually bubbly demeanor seem strained.

The last months have required a lot of posing on my part. Life just hasn’t been as awesome as it usually is for a variety of different reasons that I didn’t feel comfortable discussing openly with family or friends, much less putting out in the blogosphere for strangers, professional contacts, and God knows who else to read. (Let’s just call Spring of 2012 “The Perfect Storm” and leave it at that.) But after a long day of pretending everything was rocking as usual for the benefit of those around me, the last thing I wanted to do was to come home and write a blog post about this awesome new restaurant I tried or this sweet dessert I just baked or other “wow, my exciting life in San Francisco is the raddest!” type of fodder that often invades my place on the web here.

And when I write that stuff, it’s true. I’m an honest person, whether it is with my friends, my colleagues, or my internet persona—I just have, necessarily, more of a filter. But I got to the point where I felt like I was lying to everyone around me and the last thing I wanted to do was perpetuate the everything’s-rosy mentality on the internet when I was often sitting at home and NOT feeling that way, exactly. There is a lot of value in concepts such as “choose your attitude” or “fake it til you make it” but when it gets to the point where it seems you’re lying to yourself, it doesn’t feel right.

So I stopped blogging. That’s the real reason. It’s not that I was too busy—I’m always too busy, but there’s also always time for the things that are more important. I stopped blogging because I didn’t want to LOL and Winking smile and tell funny witty vignettes about my super-duper life when I was kind of going through a rough patch. Which we all do, at different times, and that’s fine—they pass.

But then I realized today that I was very much at risk of losing this blog forever. This blog has gone through seasons of life with me, from a hut in Africa to meandering through Southeast Asia to moving home to Granite Bay and wondering what to do with my life to a new world in San Francisco. There have been times I’ve been posting frequently, other times less so. There have been fun posts and insightful posts and stressed out posts and everything in between. Life isn’t perfect and there are seasons for everything. Sometimes things go your way, sometimes they don’t. But the answer is not to hide under a rock during those times and pretend they’re going to pass without casualty. Life’s rockier and more uncertain patches are a gift that give us the opportunity for learning, for growth, and for reflection, and make those sweet times and perfect moments that much more meaningful.

I won’t lie and say everything has been worked out yet, but I will be honest and say that I’m working on those things. Life will always have its complications, and the important thing is to focus on the joys, blessings, and love that we all have in our lives—sometimes you just have to look a little harder to see them.

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I won’t let P&P die. There may be times I don’t want to log on and don’t want to share, and other times I do. But this blog has been an extension of me, and I need to hold on to these hobbies that I love and that bring me joy, if only on a small piece of the interwebs. And at the end of the day, life really is super-duper awesome.

For anyone who is actually reading this post, thanks for not forgetting about me. This time, I’m really back, bit by bit.

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    1. I haven’t read your blog before but have been following you on Twitter. Looking forward to reading and I hope everything gets better for you!
      Paulette recently posted..Ragnar DreamingMy Profile

    2. Life is super duper awesome. And so are pictures of you posing with CHACHI IN THE BACKGROUND!!!! Excited to see you tomorrow. xoxo
      Alyssa recently posted..Countdown to Ogden: Week 8My Profile

    3. Could NOT forget about you :) Feel you on the ‘rough patch’. Thinking of you often :)

      Hope the rosy glow is restored in the very near future :)
      XLMIC recently posted..Workout Week in Review 4/16-4/22…and giveaway!My Profile

    4. How could we forget about you!! Hang in there! Everything will be alright.

    5. Naomi and I were just talking about the “season for everything” topic this morning. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Readers will read when you post, and they’ll wait when you don’t. Keep your chin up.

    6. Takes guts to be honest and really, can I just say I just love the chair pose so much better than I like the yoga chair pose. Hang in – you’re awesome.
      Victoria recently posted..Sunday ReadingMy Profile

    7. I’ve blogged in a few different places since 2000, and I’ve always found myself burning out and apologizing for not writing. When I restarted my current blog in fall 2010, I promised myself that I wouldn’t make such apologies. If I don’t feel like blogging, I don’t blog. If blogging doesn’t feel fun, I’m going to wait until I’m inspired. As I write this, it’s now been four weeks since I last blogged — and I’m neither making excuses nor apologizing. It’s MY blog, after all.

      Write when you want to, and write about what you feel like sharing. We ARE still here waiting patiently, so don’t worry about us. (Case in point: I saw your comment on my blog this morning — yay, you’re still waiting around for me, too!) In the meantime, I’ll be googling “where to find a huge chair so that I can take an awesomely cute picture like Courtney.”
      Layla recently posted..Oakland 2012 half-marathon race reportMy Profile

    8. Didn’t forget ! Glad to see a new post :) We all have those times. I even thought abotu when that time comes for me and I don’t want to blog. You can pick up where you left off. We are still reading!
      Ericka @ The Sweet Life recently posted..Exercise JudgmentMy Profile

    9. We all go through it, sweetie. I can definitely relate. Hope everything turns up soon! xo
      Bianca @ Confessions of a Chocoholic recently posted..La Befana Pizza in AllstonMy Profile

    10. I’ve had a bit of a harder spring as well and found that I really needed to pull back on the blogging front. It is hard to write when things aren’t sunshine and rainbows in real life but you don’t want to share that on the blog. Thinking of you, and I will still be here FOR SURE when you’re ready to blog regularly again!

    11. You have not been forgotten. Blogging is in addition to living. When it feels right you’ll come back to it. In the meantime take care of yourself and do what makes you truly happy. Força!
      Aimee recently posted..Biggest TwistMy Profile

    12. Ah Courtney, I am in the exact same boat.

      You aren’t forgotten and I sure as heck will read when you write. :)
      Melissa @TryingtoHeal recently posted..Comment on Hanamatsuri by BizMy Profile

    13. Jennifer says:

      Glad your back! Hugs for going threw a rough time. Take care of yourself!

    14. Glad that you are back! Sometimes life isn’t fun, so why write about it. Here’s to moving on to better things! PS: Let’s pleaseeee meet up!
      Jane recently posted..Nice and Normal.My Profile

    15. Sorry that things haven’t been going the best, I think all of us have patches like those sometimes. And having a big gap between posts is fine – if blogging feels like a job, then it is probably time to stop until you feel inspired to do it again. I think I’ve gone almost a month between posts before, I just felt like I didn’t have anything to say.

      Coachella was indeed awesome, I’ll try to do a post about it this weekend! The heat was rough though, I actually ended up going to first aid due to minor dehydration from the heat and not keeping hydrated enough. Besides that it was a great time!
      Nelly recently posted..Coachella awaits!My Profile

    16. My daughter love to post in camera always, even if she is not good in posing sometimes I capture one of her great post.
      Aslen recently posted..Miami photographerMy Profile

    17. Glad to see you back, just keep on track and I am sure you will make it through this tough time, good luck!
      Cindy recently posted..Get your summer holiday wardrobe sorted outMy Profile

    18. I hope things get better! I have certainly been there before. It’s not a fun place. Be kind to yourself!
      Jamie recently posted..8 Gorgeous Nature Blogs for Earth DayMy Profile

    19. Courtney it is IMPOSSIBLE to forget about you! You are fantastic!!

      I really hope everything is well with you and that everything that needs to be, gets worked out.

      Rough patches suck but they also define how you deal with life…You will get through it!

      PS the picture of you in the big chair reminds me of Alice in Wonderland

    20. Glad your back! Stay strong- Bruins never give up!
      Christine @ BookishlyB recently posted..Gimme Gimme GimmeMy Profile

    21. Recently saw your post on SF Marathon blog about being injured and coming back. I am going through that right now (well, still injured and biding time to come back anyway)… Followed to your blog… I know exactly how you feel on this post. Feel better soon.

    22. Albert Wineshouse says:

      I am totally loving your poses. It seems like you are having a lot of fun yourself. Can’t wait for your next post.
      Albert Wineshouse recently posted..Workouts for lower abs for menMy Profile

    23. You posted a comment a while about Cochella 2012, you may have saw my recap post, but if not, here it is:

      http://nellyontherun.blogspot.com/2012/04/coachella-2012.html

      And tickets just went on sale already for 2013 – I’m going weekend 2 again, lol (Apr 19-21)
      Nelly recently posted..60 California State Parks closing 7/1/12My Profile

    24. Crystal says:

      Male models are known not only for being attractive but also for knowing how to work all the angles. Models are great at posing, whether for the camera, the runway or simply to wink at the person looking their way. Even if you’re not a model, you can learn to pose like one and get people looking your way.
      Crystal recently posted..Hot Tub Chemicals UKMy Profile

    25. With some creativity and basic materials you probably have in your home, children can create a bowling alley where they can play traditionally or create their own bowling game. Bowling is a game that encourages gross motor as well as math skills in children.
      Laura recently posted..Die Schoenheit liegt auf der StrasseMy Profile

    26. Darrin Jarod says:

      The reason of leaving your blogging was really usual. But i am very glad to know that you have come back to blogging. I want to enjoy your nice blog posts.
      Darrin Jarod recently posted.."Mi jardin es tu jardin"My Profile

    27. Fantastic blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any community
      forums that cover the same topics talked about here?
      I’d really love to be a part of online community where I can get advice from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Thanks a lot!
      Miami Wedding Photographer recently posted..Miami Wedding PhotographerMy Profile

    28. This is a great plus useful bit of details. I’m delighted which you contributed this convenient info around. You should be united states up to par this way. Many thanks for spreading.

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