It’s amazing how easy it is to go through life without having enough FUN.
I have a lot of fun, usually, but also find myself occasionally wondering what happened to the carefree nature of life. Days when I’m tired, stressed, and “fun” activities become obligation.
Tonight was one of those nights. I’d paid to go to a GrubWithUs—hadn’t been to one in a long time and I love them—but it ended up being a little stressful. Work is crazy, I’m flying to San Diego tomorrow night, and I had to get to Pac Heights at a decent time. Once I found myself in Chinatown waiting for the 1 California bus, two passed me and didn’t stop because they were full. I was stressed, miserably cold, freaking out about being late, wondering how I’d get to the restaurant and then…
I realized that NO ONE WAS MAKING ME DO THIS.
Instead I walked up to Powell Street and hopped on the cable car back down to Market, enjoying the wind in my hair and one of my favorite SF traditions on a peaceful night. I walked into Forever 21 and bought a super cheap, sexy dress and $3 turquoise feather earrings because I could. I finally bought the Street Smart newspaper from a homeless person, hopped on the bus, bought a 7-pound bag of ice for $2.75 just so I could have one icy cocktail, mixed it up when I got home along with a bowl of pasta. For dessert, I ate an entire king-size chocolate bar without caring about how many miles I should run tomorrow morning to burn it off.
And I realized: I can do this. Whenever I want.
Not saying that eating a whole chocolate bar or being buzzed off of a gin and tonic on a Monday night is the key to life, but I realized that I’m constantly obeying rules for myself without even realizing it.
- I have to be working all the time.
- I always have to be checking my email.
- I have to run all the time or be feeling guilty about not running.
- I need to eat healthy and punish myself when I don’t.
- I shouldn’t eat the chocolate. I shouldn’t have the cocktail.
- I have to follow through on every. single. obligation. regardless of how important it actually is or how I am feeling in my mind, body, and spirit.
- I should be doing something more productive right now.
- I should lose 5 pounds to be sexier and skinnier. I should feel bad about my body until I do so.
- I need to constantly project a certain image.
- I have to obey one million ideas that no one’s forcing me to do.
Well I’m done with this. I’m ready to spend more time being selfish. I’m ready to spend more time doing things that make me feel good. Because I’m awesome. I’m done doing everything for everyone else and I’m going to focus on me and what makes me happy, whether that’s running 7 miles before 7 or not waking up til 11 or eating a fresh salad or the entire chocolate bar or going to bed at 9PM or 3AM or going out and not having a drink or going out and having several or taking an extended lunch break because we all know I get my work done or working through the whole day so I can turn my computer off at 5PM and not touch it til the next morning. I’m going to spend my time how I WANT to spend my time, whether that’s out with a bunch of friends or home drinking cocoa in my jammies or waking up early to exercise or deciding that in no way I’m going to exercise today or prioritizing happiness and pleasure. Because I’m awesome.
I’m done hanging out with friends when it feels like a chore.
I’m done sitting home alone when it feels like a prison.
I’m done thinking of what others expect before I think about what truly makes me happy.
Lord knows I keep healthy. Lord knows I’m good at my job. Lord knows I’m dedicated. That’s not the question. The question is how much joy I take out of the small moments.
I’m resolving to be more hedonistic in the small moments.
- I’ll get off the bus a stop early to get hot chocolate for less than $2.
- I’ll walk the long way back to the bus after work to think.
- I’ll eat the chocolate or the ice cream or the fried chicken.
- I’ll waste time doing something that feels like anything but a waste.
- I’ll look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I’m gorgeous. I’ll have a dance party with myself and not care who is watching.
- I’ll flirt with whoever I want, be it the guy on the bus or at the store or anywhere else, just because it’s fun.
- I’ll stop trying to apologize for the fact that I am sexy yet strong, smart and sweet and a whole ball of sass rolled into one.
- I’ll stop trying to live up to other’s expectations and set my own.
Because I’m awesome. And I deserve it. And so do you.
Why do we as women put so much pressure on ourselves, in work, in relationships, at home, in life? Why do we feel like taking time for ourselves is selfish or lazy or unproductive? It’s not. If we all were a little more selfish with our time, if we were all a bit better at saying NO, at expressing how we ACTUALLY feel instead of convincing ourselves that we’re overreacting, at eating the chocolate, at dumping the dude who makes you feel bad about yourself, at hiring that babysitter or house cleaner or pickup/delivery laundry service or whatever small thing to make our life easier, the entire world would be a better place.
There’s a place for selfless sacrifice in every day. But there’s also a time to stop caring about who thinks what and what you should be doing and concentrate on what you want to be doing so that YOU feel fulfilled, refreshed and more energetic and happy than ever and can apply that to every area of your life. I’m doing that… because I can.
Join me.
(PS, if you’re ever in need of a pick me up, listen to the Dollyrots’ song Because I’m Awesome while singing along in your jammies. It’s a guaranteed mood booster. It might even prompt an inane blog post about your self-appointed awesomeness.)
Twitter
LinkedIn
Flickr
Facebook
yeah… being awesome is pretty awesome.
Loved this post
Heather recently posted..So, it’s Monday. I’m working. I have a headache.
THANK GOD you figured this out.
You are awesome. And anytime you doubt this, tell me & I’ll remind you.
Alyssa recently posted..Race Recap: Crystal Spring 11-Miler TRAIL RACE!!
You are SUPER awesome!
XLMIC recently posted..Stepping back…
Awww courtney, i LOVE this post
You are sooo right, we are always setting super high unachieavable expectations for ourselves
I’m sure you will rock that dress!
Have a great trip to San Diego
Yes you are! Great post. Through the years I’ve gotten better at saying no, and have infinitely felt better for it. And I would totally get off the bus one stop earlier too, to get some hot chocolate
Bianca @ Confessions of a Chocoholic recently posted..Sweet Cheeks
Love this post! You’re so right! I couldn’t help but think of How I Met Your Mother and hear Barney saying “I’m awesome.” (Do you watch that show? If not, ignore that last comment haha.) I wrote a similar post this morning. Life is too short to do things we don’t want to do and to live life according to other’s expectations.
Caroline recently posted..Sometimes the only way is jumping
Courtney, being all things to all people is tiresome. I’m really happy that you’ve had this epiphany! Saying “no” can be freeing (I do it a lot) and thinking about yourself before thinking about how others will judge you is imperative to living a happy life. I think you’re awesome. Keep shining, girlie!
<3 this. That is all.
Kimra recently posted..In Which I Turn 30
What an awesome post! Thanks for the reminder about how awesome we really are!
I love this post! Life is too short to be miserable, or to be stressed out, or to be constantly worrying about what others think. I’ve been clinging to that “Life is too short to be unhappy” mantra for a year and a half now, but you know, I don’t really think about the whole big picture. Life is too short to be anything BUT awesome. So, thank you for the reminder. It takes an awesome person to remind us of such things.
Layla recently posted..Double Dream Hands Vanderbilt fire
This was an absolutely “awesome” post! I can’t tell you how much I needed this now! Such a great reminder and I’m sure you were smiling ear to ear while writing it too!!! Keep being awesome!
Melissa @TryingtoHeal recently posted..Comment on Completely Vegan….Soon? by Melissa
Good for you!! This is a fantastic realization. It’s definitely all about the balance.
Angela recently posted..Week In Review: Jan 9 – 15
I love this post, and love YOU. I will also gladly remind you of your awesomeness all the time
Beth recently posted..Juicing: Green Ginger Limeade
This post is awesome, and so are you (and so is 7-11 hot chocolate)!
Cate recently posted..Tortellini Salad
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. way to go sissy. you need to print this out and post it on your fridge!!!
I love this post. And your hair.
Last weekend I spent $$ on running stuff, clothes and cosmetics. By Monday evening I was a little irritated with my self-indulgence, until I remembered that I have been working like crazy. Why shouldn’t I treat myself?
You’ll be at the RUN365 kick-off next Saturday, yes? Looking forward to seeing you again
Sesa recently posted..Bones
Gosh, I seriously needed this post. I 100% agree with your new way of living!
JANE recently posted..Brunching with Ella.
This is great! I make ridiculous rules for myself ALL. THE. TIME. and it is exhausting! My coworker has the awesome dog on his coffee tumblr
Jamie recently posted..Something has Changed
This is awesome, and you are awesome! I know exactly what you mean – basically feeling like you have to be superwoman all the time… and for who? No one is forcing you to be awesome at everything you do, no one expects you to be perfect all the time… it’s all in our head and it’s in our head because our culture tells us women “have to” be superheroes. God forbid you’re the woman who doesn’t sew/cook/do triathlons/date the hottest guy/etc. etc….
Good for you for realizing it’s absolutely fine, no, PERFECT to be yourself and do what you want to make yourself happy and content. Stressing over things that, let’s be honest, won’t matter 10 years from now is so not worth it.
Great post!
Melissa @ Will Work for Veggies recently posted..Days 14 & 15: Eat plants & be scared!
Great post! I am in 100% agreement that women put tons of pressure on themselves to be productive and I am totally one of those people. Sometimes I find weekends a little depressing when I am not getting enough done, which is so awful because it’s the time to RELAX. Good for you for taking a more spontaneous, relaxed, go-with-the-flow approach!
Kathryn @ Flopoodle recently posted..MLK Weekend
Love, love, love this! Power to the people, girlfriend!
Lindsay @ Summit Sandwiches recently posted..A Quick (Slightly Irreverent) Thanks
Awesssssssome post. I can get myself in some pretty rigid habits…today I’ll try to focus on being more awesome! Have a great rest of the week!
hippierunner recently posted..Homemade Mexican Seitan Tacos
OH MY GOSH, courtney I love this post. I had a realization very similar this summer and hence the reason I ate a Ghiradelli sundae for dinner one night
you really put it in to words amazingly well!
Amanda – RunToTheFinish recently posted..There’s no crying in baseball…
This is all so true! I think so many of us do this to ourselves-me included! And you are awesome for sharing this!
Grace recently posted..My Journey to the Marathon Part 1: Training.
Love the attitude, love the resolve – love it, love it, love it!
Naomi recently posted..As Seen On My Run…
Honey you kick so much ass it’s outrageous!! I am actually pecking away at a post about CHOOSING to be SELFISH. This reiterates everything I am trying to say.
You are inspiring, beautiful, sassy and AWESOME.
Great post!!!
Katie@Real Food Katie’s Way recently posted..The Curious Case of the Unripe Bananas
I totally love this post- yup, you are awesome! Us runners get tied up about our bodies, food, etc, and it’s so so refreshing and important to do what feels good and fun and plain ole happy.
YES! Love this!!! I’m all about feeding the soul and just recently learned that the key to (my) happiness is allowing myself lotsa treats along the way! I try not to judge myself for my indulgences, rather, congratulate myself for being so good to ME!
Laura recently posted..Boobs Boobs Boobs
Late to the game, but brilliant post. AWESOME post.
suki recently posted..Wine and Love #27