In some areas of my life, I am ridiculously punctual and I hate hate HATE being late. After two years in Africa, however, my punctuality and stress related to being on time relaxed… a LOT… just in time for me to get back to America where everyone is running around stressed all the time and that things happen WHEN they are supposed to happen and deadlines actually MEAN something and the to-do list is getting longer and… it’s all quite overwhelming. Something tells me it will take me quite a while to return to full-on American mentality. I’d rather have breakfast take an hour and just stare off into space when I feel like it.
I can’t believe it’s a new year… and that we are already more than a week into it. I rang in the new year in my old stomping ground of Los Angeles, where I got to enjoy some nice weather, eat some delicious food, and, MOST importantly, see some of my closest friends. More on that later! The first week of 2011 has seen me gallivanting all over CA without much time to breathe or reflect, which is something I love to do, so I am taking the time to do that now.
For me, 2010 was definitely an interesting and exciting year. I was living in Mozambique, being constantly stretched and challenged, and also having some really crazy experiences—traveling to the World Cup in South Africa, seeing Swaziland, going on Safari, and then spending a full month backpacking in Southeast Asia (posts to come–yes, I fail as a blogger) only to return HOME to America after my 27-month stint. Exciting. Stimulating. Incredible.
But with that being said… I don’t think 2010 was a good year. Don’t get me wrong, I had some amazing opportunities that I know I was very blessed to have. But I wasn’t truly happy. I survived in Moz, but I didn’t thrive there. I loved it, but I also missed my friends and family. I felt lonely, and most importantly, I wasn’t happy with myself. It’s crazy how no matter what your circumstances are in life—whether you’re rich or poor, fat or thin, black or white, living in Africa in a hut or living in an affluent California suburb—life happiness and satisfaction usually comes down to your relationships with others and your relationship with yourself. And for me, in that respect, 2010 was a hard year.
On 10-10-10, I recapped how my 10 goals for 2010 were going. There were some that I did pretty well with my tangible goals (starting a blog, doing well on the GRE, applying to grad school from Africa, Traveling—8 countries!, and standing up straighter, or at least a small improvement. Baby steps.) But the less tangible, more important ones, like putting God back at the center of my life and stop selling myself short, were a big fat fail. As I get older and become more self-aware, I recognize more what needs to change in my life and how circumstances are not the most important thing. What matters most is what is going on inside.
2011 is going to be one of the most defining and formative and challenging years of my life. It’s the first time I need to make a life for myself—I went straight from college to Peace Corps, which, while challenging in other ways, means not having to work hard to make friends, find a job or worry about many menial real-world things like bills and insurance and paying rent. This year, I have to figure this whole life thing out. I’m a little scared.
I have a million goals for 2011 but I don’t know if I have a resolution (besides the aforementioned pescatarian project). I HOPE to find a great job. I HOPE to make a good grad school decision. I HOPE to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. I HOPE to be able to run a marathon. But I think my “resolution” for this year is, in a way, to know myself, love myself, and challenge myself.
I competed in a duathlon last weekend by myself. It was a free race sponsored by Total Body Fitness (2 mile trail run, 7 mile hilly bike, 2 mile trail run) and fundraiser for Girls on the Run. I went alone. I was freezing. I was slow. I don’t think I passed a single person the whole race. I got discouraged at points. I felt awkward and out of shape and bad about myself because of how everyone else was doing. I realized I was losing sight of the point: that I am strong. Stronger than I think. Maybe I’m slow and all the overweight dads and their seven year old sons are creaming me, but that doesn’t matter. What matters more is how I see myself—believing that I am ABLE and that I am worth it—and forgetting the rest.
Here’s to 2011.
How’s the new year going so far? Do you have any “intangible” goals for the year?
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Cheers to a new year (hey, better late than never!) I know exactly what you mean that at the end of it all, happiness is about our relationships with others and ourselves. I’ve been telling my friends that 2011 is going to be my “me” year – as selfish as it may sound, I want it to be the year where I focus on loving myself. We’re only 10 days in but I can already tell that it’s going to be a wonderful year
I wish you the best for 2011!
COURTNEY! I’m so glad you commented. I used to blog last summer and read your blog and now I’m back and am overjoyed to be reading again. Guess I’m a little late on that account. But really, you look like you’re doing great and your pictures are so fun to see. Happy new year and cheers to making it the best ever!
I bet you are SO excited to be back. And I think your main resolution for the year is a fabulous one. It will help with the other smaller goals too.
I bet this year will be a great one too.
I was sort of with you on my views on 2010. It was ok. I did a lot of things. I had fun. But I didn’t LOVE it.
Definitely more than happy to say “peace out” to 2010 and am welcoming 2011 with open arms…
I love that brakfast plat <3
Your resolution made me smile. Even recognizing what you need to do to be happy is a step in the right direction. 2011 is going to be an incredible year!!
And who cares if you didn’t pass anyone in the race. At least you did it! Rock on!
Per usual, I love this post! Come back to LA so I can give you a hug and candy corn!
Great post! I love your reflections on life.
I feel pretty similar about 2011, but you said it better than I ever could: “my “resolution” for this year is, in a way, to know myself, love myself, and challenge myself.”
I was working on it in 2010, and I think I got closer, but I’m definitely still not there yet.
oh wow, that breakfast looks amazing!
So, while I realize this isn’t exactly a happy post, I really love how self-reflective you are. I think that’s pretty amazing. I also think that it’s the hardest years that help us grow the most and really teach us about the types of people we are (and who we want to become). And while I completely understand what you mean about happiness coming from relationships, I do hope that you feel proud when you look back at what you’ve done over this past year (two actually) — I think it’s pretty darn amazing!
Anyway, I hope 2011 is a wonderful year for you!! Filled with many great possibilities, and tons of happiness!
On a lighter note, I have a co-worker that is originally from Ghana and despite being here since childhood, she is always late to everything — and blames it on being “on African time”
This is an awesome post
Good luck getting all you hope to accomplish in 2011! I’m right there with you 
I want to figure my life out and at least be happy along the way
Courtney, I love your about me section! It sounds like you’ve had some great adventures over the last little while. And I get what you mean about 2010 being a good year but not necessarily a great year. Here’s to 2011! Thanks for stopping by my blog so I could discover yours!
Courtney! So happy to see you’re back in America (jealous that you got to spend new years with TGs, zomg) and blogging again!
Your reflection that “life happiness and satisfaction usually comes down to your relationships with others and your relationship with yourself” is totally spot on. I just got back from a 10-day meditation retreat and we learned that happiness, as well as suffering, come from inside, not from the outside. Take a peek into doing some meditation this year if at all possible – even 5 minutes a day is supposed to be beneficial! It’s simply breathe in, breathe out – but the benefits are innumerable (http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2010/11/08/the-biggest-lie-you-tell-yourself/)
Good luck with everything and extra luck with being a pescatarian – I think you’ll find it’s not so hard after all, especially if you surround yourself with like-minded people and a few good veggie cookbooks. My favorite simple vegan, seasonal cookbook is Local Bounty: Seasonal Vegan Recipes by Devra Gartenstein.
Love you girl!
Britt